Blighted

I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum for the second time in a row on Thursday. My first one was just 5 months ago. It's the only type of miscarriage I've had, so I might be bias, but I think it is the worst kind.

Unlike a spontaneous miscarriage where you start bleeding one day and know that it is over. With a blighted Ovum you go in for ultrasound and all you see in an empty sac. And then you have to go back for more ultrasounds just to be sure that by some miracle something has started growing in the empty sac. And you hope and pray in between each appointment and try to google success stories and end up reading horror stories of other woman having the exact same problem, experiencing the exact same pain as you.

It is horrible to know that there is not a baby growing, but all of the crazy hormones in my body are keeping me pregnant. I just have to sit around and wait for my body to realized it is over. Now I go to the bathroom and pray that I find blood. It's ridiculous.

Just yesterday I was walking around the mall and I saw a very pregnant woman walking around in all her big belly glory and I thought to myself how cute she looked, and then I remembered, "oh yeah, I'm pregnant too, but this time my belly is never going to grow and I am never going to get to hold my baby." It is just absolutely the worst experience of my life...and I'm "lucky" enough to experience it twice....