Roller Coaster of Emotions

This time was worse than before. This time I actually had hope and faith and believed it was going to work out. At the beginning of September when we found out we were pregnant I was spotting and I didn't "feel" pregnant. There was a nagging feeling in my gut that something was wrong. At 6 1/2 weeks the doctor had me come in for some blood work and an ultrasound and they didn't see much... two weeks, two more ultrasounds, and a bunch of blood draws later they diagnosed me with a blighted ovum. My OB told me the stats I already knew, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage

We waited the appropriate amount of time to start trying again and it only took us two months to get pregnant. Like I said, this time I was hopeful and incredibly optimistic. I had experienced some implantation bleeding, but it was done by the time I had a positive test. I really felt pregnant this time! My Doctor had me come in for some blood work to check my levels and they came back great.

The very next day I started spotting. They had me come right in to the office and even though I was only about 5 1/2 weeks they did an ultrasound. The doctor saw a yolk sac and he was optimistic. And had me schedule another ultrasound in one week. I tried to stay optimistic but after goggling all weekend I didn't know what to think.

We went back to the doctor's for our second ultrasound and as soon as he adjusted the wand he said "this isn't a viable pregnancy" I freaked! I had my hopes so high, so incredibly high, that I came crashing down with those 4 words. I couldn't calm myself down, and I wasn't leaving with out being absolutely sure. He had the actual ultrasound technician come in the room and look around, and things got a little better!! She measured what looked like baby, it was 6 weeks and 1 day, and if I ovulated late that was right on schedule! We even saw a little heartbeat flickering. I was relived but not for long.... the next thing the doctor said was that the yolk sac was gone. It didn't make any sense. How could our baby be living without any source of nutrients? The doctor said the baby could have been hiding it, and I was trying to be optimistic, but the next morning I got my lab results, My HCG took a whole week to double and my progesterone dropped from 18 to 12. Even with everything looking grim I still trying to hope for a miracle and I prayed that everything was going to work out.

We Scheduled another appointment for one week later and I was oddly calm when the doctor showed us the ragged, empty gestational sac. My heart was broken. Our baby was gone.