getting back to my "normal"

Sorry was my last post a bit too mushy for you? I have a confession to make and it isn't an easy one to admit. Recently my doctor prescribed anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds after I finally caved and admitted I just can't handle it all. And even what I could handle I wasn't doing a very good job.

I knew things were out of whack for me but I didn't recognize it as depression because how could I be depressed when I finally had everything I wanted? But as a lot of new moms know those hormones are nothing to mess with!! Add on top of that lack of sleep, adjusting to a new family dynamic, going to school full time, and dealing with Thurman's ridiculous military schedule and I think it is the perfect recipe for some real struggles.

I think the truth is that I really should hvae been at least talking to a professional for the past couple of years instead of just taking it all on myself - readjusting to Thurman coming home from Turkey,  my miscarriages, it all just kept piling up and I never addressed it. I just kept moving on because I didn't want anything to get in my way of finally having a baby.

Finally after a major blowout of an argument with Thurman about 4 months ago I realized I needed some help. It wasn't even a fight about anything important and Thurman was back to his normal in about5 minutes, but I couldn't calm myself down. & I realized that has always been my problem, Once I fly off the handle it takes me a really long time to get back to my "normal" - from hours to sometimes days & It's during that time that I find myself depressed and unengaged with life. Which would only lead to more fighting becuase I would blame Thurman for getting me so angry and then leaving me to deal with all the extra crazy emotions in my head and "taking my attention away from the kids"

I made my feelings clear to my doctor and I let her know that I wasn't looking for a cure all, I had been on meds before and i literally did not cry for the entire time I was on them. When I realized that fact I stopped taking them because I didn't like not feeling anything at all. My doctor  was impressed with the amount of insight I had on my own feelings and well-being (one reason why I thought I could get away without medical intervention) I told her I just wanted something that could help me come back to my "normal" quicker after arguments, anxious situations, etc. The good news is my doctor says I just need some help getting things back in order in my head and I won't need to be on medication for ever. Just a little reset and let me tell you it has been a 180 for me - no I am not happy all the time, Thurman and I still fight, I still get anxious but I am not stoned. Since starting the medication I  feel more in control of my feelings - I feel "normal" again! & Now that I am getting help I am kicking my ass for not seeking it sooner. No I haven't been completely unhappy - on the contrary these last ten months have been some of the best of my life but the lows were just too low and I am thankful I was finally strong enough to ask for help.

I don't want this to come off as a PSA and I know medication isn't the answer for everyone, but if you are feeling depressed, anxious or just "off" at least try talking to someone. Mental health has become such a taboo subject and too many people suffer because of it! Don't let your ego or social views stand in the way of your happiness!!