My mom and I went to a Christian gift shop this past weekend looking for a first communion present for my baby sister. They didn't have what I was looking for, but we did stumble upon this book by Pete Schwiebert. A children's book about pregnancy loss.
Just reading through a couple of pages brought me to tears. One page went something like..."Mom sits in the rocking chair and holds the baby blanket and cries" ..." I am sad, but she is a lot sadder" I couldn't read it all. How do they expect you to be able to read it to a preschooler?!
Realizing that such books have been written made me start thinking about RaeAnn...I wish I could bring myself to buy it and read it to her. I know that the past couple of months have been confusing for her. Seeing Thurman and I get so excited and getting excited herself about being a big sister and then just a few short weeks later, Mom was crying and there wasn't going to be baby anymore. I've tried my best to explain it to her at her "level" and at first she accepted it but, occasionally she'll ask, "When is the baby going to be here?" and "Can I still be a big sister?" Truly heartbreaking. I tell her "one day" or "maybe next year" and that seems to appease her.
I hope one day I'll have a different answer for her...maybe next year...
(after rereading my entry, it makes me think maybe I should read it to RaeAnn. Maybe I'll see if they have the book at the library, see if she even has an interest in it. I could get through it for her. I just hope it doesn't make her think that angel babies are always the result of pregnancy.)
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