Technically since the beginning of August I have been pregnant for a total of 19 weeks. That's about 5 out of 8 months. That is depressing. What is more depressing is my waistline. (Ok it really isn't more depressing, actually not even close...ugh. not close as all.)
When I was pregnant with RaeAnn I began to notice my belly at roughly 11 weeks and I've read that with each pregnancy you get a little bigger, a little sooner each time. I didn't really notice it in September, but this time around without gaining a pound I was quickly out of my skinny jeans and soon busting out of my fat girl ones. Now that everything is over I am still in my fat girl jeans and the pounds are adding up. I have a bit of a problem with emotional eating...I think a psychologist would tell me I was filling the emptiness I feel inside with food. And I would have to agree with them.
I did the same thing after the first miscarriage and it took me a while to snap out of it and get back to the gym. But the damage had been done, I went from 172lbs before the pregnancy to a whopping 187 after.
By the time I got pregnant in January, I already had a good gym routine started, but my diet was still not that great. After the positive pregnancy test, I tried to keep up with the gym and started eating better. My starting weight this time was 184, but I lost a couple pounds when I had a week of morning sickness. So I got down to 181. Guess where I am now...back up at 186. But at least this time I don't have the hurdle of getting myself back to the gym.
Losing this extra weight is a priority, not just for the obvious health benefits and the vain reasons of wanting to be back in my skinny jeans, but because to me at 186lbs I look pregnant.
When I was putting RaeAnn to bed the other night, I saw my shadow on the wall, a beautiful profile of a pregnant woman with a bulging belly and I wanted to cry. I want a nice fat belly so badly, but I want it to be fat because there is a big healthy baby inside!
This weight has got to go. The whole time Thurman was in Turkey my "job" was to get to a healthy weight to start trying for a second baby and I did a really good job going from 195 to 172.
I need to get back to work!
Jill, I think you are a truly excellent lady, and I am so proud to know you darlin. Mark and I have started trying as well. No luck yet, but it's still early and we'll probably see if anything happens in the next few months before we start getting tested.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that you are fabulous, and most certainly loved.