"Remember last time?"

RaeAnn was sitting at the table by herself while I was finishing up cooking dinner last night and she decided to say her prayers while she waited...I was barely listening to her until I heard her say, "Dear God, please don't let Jacob die again" she totally caught me off guard...like the wind was knocked out of me. I asked her what she meant and she said "remember when the baby died last time?" I quickly interrupted her and tried my best to explain that last year there was a different baby in my belly, not Jacob and that Jacob was healthy....she tried to process what I was saying but seemed confused and didn't say anything and never finished her prayers :( My heart broke for her and it was hard to fight back the flood of tears...I didn't think she remembered my last pregnancy she was only 3 1/2 for goodness sake but I should have known better, the girl never forgets ANYTHING! One of my biggest regrets is that we told her so early last time and she even has to know the heartache of pregnancy loss. I know she probably doesn't think of it all the time, but she shouldn't have to worry about my pregnancy at all. When we told her we were pregnant this time she asked a couple times if this baby was going to be ok but she hasn't said anything like that in a couple months. I thought that all the excitement of my growing belly and lots of doctors appointments had pushed those memories of last year far out of her head. I was so wrong. I guess her sweet way of always asking how Jacob is doing is her way of reassuring herself that everything really is OK.
The whole situation brought back a flood of memories of how excited she was when we first told her last February and how hard it was for her to understand when we lost the baby. How excited I was last year and how devastating it was to experience my second consecutive miscarriage & then I realized that we're coming up on the year anniversary of that pregnancy and miscarriage, I really hadn't even thought about it until last night and of course I started to feel guilty for forgetting...but I stopped myself, put my hands on my belly and said my own prayers thanking God for our current pregnancy and blessing us with our healthy growing boy and prayed and prayed to continue to bless us and keep us all healthy & to please help put RaeAnn's mind at ease to slow her curious mind down just a bit and let her enjoy being little. She's the greatest little girl but she just worries way too much...gee, wonder where she get's that from :/